This past week I've been neglecting my self care. I've avoided myself, and as a result, I've been feeling overwhelmed and anxious. This past week I've taken a physical toll, and rest and gentleness was duly in order. Yesterday, I was asked the question "What do you need?", to which my reply was a roaring river breaking through a dam I've built around my heart. I cried so much I was shedding tears without making any more sound. Have you ever cried so deeply? I cried for all the times during the past week which I held myself tightly and turned my back on the emotion that yearned to be felt. The energy in motion that I froze in place through neglect. I cried and cried until my tears felt seen and heard and finally subsided.
Today I pushed myself again. I felt physically fine, until I didn't. Once again, I had neglected myself for the sake of getting the task done.
In the late afternoon, my partner invited me to take a bath. He drew the hot bubbling water. He lit candles. Gave me a good toke. Brought my Quartz Crystal to me. And two squares of hazelnut Lindt chocolate. My space was set and ready for me to give myself some much needed, much deserved, tender loving care.
I held my crystal to my womb space and said a prayer: "Dearest grandmother moon, I thank you for your pull and illuminating, at times maddening, yet always felt energy. To the Universe, I have sent my request, and I have arrived at your gate to receive that which you have orchestrated for me to relish and marvel in. I am grateful for all the blessings in my life and am ready and willing to receive all that which you have yet in store for my during my lifetime.
I sat in the bath and breathed in deeply, slowly. I said to myself "I am worth every single part of this self love. I deserve to sit and enjoy this moment in all its glory, with not a single ounce of guilt, shame, anxiety, self-judgement, self-loathing, self-criticism, and sense of responsibility to anyone other than myself in this moment. This moment belongs to me, and me alone. Proudly, and with honor and respect. I am worth it.
And you, beautiful, glorious human, are worth it.
Happy Full Moon energy to you, and happy weekend ahead!
As always, with love and kindness,