Reflections, Birthday Edition
Hello glorious humans!
This week I celebrated my birthday. And though I had a beautiful day with my loved ones, I reflect back on past birthdays during which I did not feel the love, despite it still being present and all encompassing. Why? Because my heart was closed to the love that came my way.
Some people LOVE their birthdays. They love to go out, celebrate with their friends, maybe have a drink or two, or three... To them, birthdays are a time to celebrate, to be the center of attention, to let loose and party on!
For others, birthdays are a dark time. They feel awkward and pressured to hold the space for others' expectations. How can they please people? How can they create an environment that will be enjoyable for all their guests. Should they have separate parties so their groups of friends don't collide? This stress completely overtakes the day and turns it into 24 hours that could not pass fast enough.
Some, still, set their birthdays as a stage on which to judge how loved they truly are. If their friends and family reach out to them on this day, it means they love them. The better the birthday wish, the more loved they feel. The bigger the gift, the more love they feel. But the reality here, is that they are judging how loved they are by others because they don't know how much they love themselves. Their self love is dependent on what others show it to be on this day.
There are some for whom a birthday is just another day. They don't feel phased by this day in the slightest. To them, it's just like any other. No wishes? No problem! No presents? No worries! No one remembers? Remembers what? Does this mean they were once so disappointed on a birthday that they turned themselves off to the day altogether? Or perhaps, to them, every day is special, and the love they feel throughout the year is not affected by this one day.
There are also birthday humans that GIVE BACK on their birthdays. Taking the opportunity to use the attention of their special day and redirect it to a good cause. I've heard a controversy about this topic in which people question the authenticity of this act of kindness. Is it really genuine kindness or is it an act of attention to be liked and get love. To which I reply that as long as it helps others, I don't think it matters all that much. Everyone has their reasons of doing things, the intention of it is not as important as the the act itself, if you really think about it on a bigger scale of things. Sure, you donated to a children's hospital just to impress a girl. Sure, you rescue abandoned pets just to post about it on social media and to get likes. But in the end, you helped the kids and saved the animals, so you're A-OK in my book!
This year I'm reflecting on all these types of birthday vibes because I've felt them all. Each year, another kind of feeling would come up and I would reflect back on my year and try to see why I was feeling the way I did on my b-day. Each year, I would make a decision, these past few years more consciously than before, that I would work on these reasons I feel shitty or otherwise during my birthday. If I felt unloved, I would do more throughout the upcoming year to love myself more deeply. If I felt awkward and people-pleasing, I would re-evaluate why my attention is focused on the external. I do confess, I was going to do donate this year but felt I needed to work on just receiving and accepting all the love. Every year has its own special focus, and it is a reflection on the transition from the year you worked hard in, to the upcoming year filled with even more growth and expansion (the work is never done, as you recall).
Each year is a chance to reflect and grow. It is not a time to judge ourselves for how we were and why it was good or bad, right or wrong. It's a time to take it as it is and decide what to do next.
This year, I want to continue accepting and receiving love and start GIVING back in a genuine and wholehearted way. I don't know what that will look like yet but I am planting the seed, setting the intention, and opening my heart to the flow of give and take.
Thank you to all the wonderful wishes I received. I am sending all your kind words right back to you and adding "YOU ARE AWESOME" at the end, because it appears "awesome" is the most used word in my vocabulary and I'm OK with that!!
As always, lots of love, and with AWESOME kindness!